So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
