That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
