You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Bring me that man meat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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