I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
