Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
