You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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