She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
