I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You were trust falling into bushes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
