And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
