I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
