Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
