i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
