I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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