take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
