hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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