She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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