Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
