we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
