And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
