Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
