i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
