porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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