my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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