Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
