So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
