Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
