what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
