you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
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Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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