Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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