My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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