he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
