woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
