dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
