and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
