I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack