38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left