Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He kissed a someone with a penis
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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