They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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