Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
