it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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