wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
