i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
