Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
