We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
