Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
being pregnant is like rehab
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
