I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
