I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
