she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
