Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
