i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
