from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i believe in u and ur pee
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