Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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