one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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