just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
