The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
