Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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