Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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