I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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