If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
