yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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