Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
