Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
