Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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